As a general rule of thumb, when I stumble upon something gross, I try to avoid touching it and/or picking it up. I feel like that’s of the basic takeaways from Alien.
However, Indiana mom and Twitter user @keplyq apparently forgot this rule when she recently stumbled upon a bizarre, turkey leg-shaped object on her front porch.
According to Twitter, @keplyq found a strange piece of natural, plantlike material on her front stoop roughly two weeks ago, and was utterly baffled.
Instead of subscribing to my personal rule of DON’T F**KING TOUCH IT, this curious investigator decided to put the bizarre turkey leg in a plastic bag and take it to work, in the hopes that it might be identified.
(Again, once you realize that the object in question is sweating, that’s a pretty obvious sign that you should dropkick that sh*t back to Mother Nature.)
Everything came to a head roughly a week later, when @keplyq was driving her kids to the library.
Nope, nope, nope, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.
Fortunately, @keplyq‘s husband was willing to vacuum out the demonic worms. (HERO.)
That said, the worms may be (mostly) gone, but they are not forgotten …
To this day, @keplyq is still finding worms.
Oh, and don’t worry — there are pics.
UPDATE I found a single solitary dead worm thing in the back of my car and I am. going to post a picture. I’m sorry pic.twitter.com/LsWfUVWfs0
— keply (@keplyq) May 1, 2018
Some people offered possible explanations as to what the mysterious, cursed object might be.
What area are you in? The closest guess I have so far is maybe a rotted ponytail palm tree? They are a common tropical house plant and sort of match that shape, not sure about the texture because google couldn’t show me any closeups of that type of bark.
That or an alien loofah?
— Lady Deathclaw (@LadyDeathclaw) May 1, 2018
Google says it is a sea lion. Dope! pic.twitter.com/uzGIZaOwKv
— Rosa Pasquarella (@whatrosasaid) May 1, 2018
Others shared their own, similar horror stories.
Omg last winter there was a rat living inside my car’s AC vents. Every day the floor mats got smaller and smaller as the rat chewed them up. It somehow ate the owners manual through the closed glove box too. When we took it in there was an actual rat nest underneath the dashboard
— 𝐃𝐨𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐇𝐨𝐭𝐬 (@snapchat_hotdog) May 1, 2018
But mostly, everyone was just frightened and disgusted.
Please. For all of us. Set fire to your car.
— Jason Inofuentes (@tnofuentes) May 2, 2018
i have to know what that is so i can plan my entire life around not being where it lives
— Mme Von Schneeflocke (@c_schneeflocke) May 2, 2018
What a saga.
This story has everything, children, mystery, awe, defense, books, worms. Thank you, kindly
— Lani (@polellan) May 1, 2018
So, yeah … let this be a lesson: picking up weird, unidentifiable objects is rarely a solid idea.
And leaving them to roast for a week in your car? Even less so.