Woman Grows Roots Out Of Her Vagina Because She Used A Potato As Contraception

Think twice before carbo-loading.

What one Colombian woman needed was some good advice, what she got was a potato.

At 22 years old, a sexually active Colombian woman, (her real name has been omitted for reasons of privacy and embarrassment, so from here on we will respectfully refer to her as “Mrs. Potato Crotch”) went to her mom with the big question of how to prevent pregnancy. Mom told her she had a “fail proof method,” all she had to do was shove a potato up her lady parts. Put a whole potato in the oven, you won’t make (tater) tots.

In a sense, this worked. Although the efficacy of potato contraception is yet to be determined, Mrs. Potato Crotch did not become with child. Soon, however, she was to become with chives. Instead of a post-intercourse starch removal, she left that tuber in her tube! To anyone who has stored potatoes (in their reproductive organs or otherwise) this is obviously a mistake. Potatoes need to be kept in a cool, dry, well-ventilated place, or they will grow.

And grow this crotch-potato did. The poor woman left it in for two weeks before abdominal pain caused her to seek medical attention. By the time she got to the hospital, nurses could see roots escaping from her vagina, and not members of The Tonight Show’s band, either. The potato, though buried, had come back to life.

Thankfully, medical staff were able to remove the potato (and its roots) without surgery, and the woman should be fine. Hopefully Mrs. Potato Crotch has learned some valuable information from the experience, and in the future, as she woos prospective partners, she will not offer fries with that shake.

This article originally appeared on Someecards