12.
yeah i may have to pee sitting down but that doesnt mean i cant poop standing up
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 25, 2016
11.
do vampires poop? all u do is drink blood??? u peein a lot dracula?
— Amir Khan (@AmirismyBFF) June 20, 2016
10.
A bottle washes onto the shore. There’s a note inside. You pick it up and pull the cork. Aged fart fills your nose. The note says “LOL”
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) September 24, 2015
9.
It’s important to conserve water but u SHOULD keep flushing until u feel confident your poop is in the ocean
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) August 6, 2016
8.
If yr nervous about farting in yoga just remember: that could happen to anyone. The part that takes true serenity is letting out a tiny poop
— Hallie Cantor (@halliecantor) February 2, 2016
7.
Casual Friday is the BEST! Who likes washing their hands after going to the bathroom?!
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 21, 2010
6.
Jack in the Box tacos aren’t tacos. They’re more like a wet envelope of cat food. When you eat them you’re just mailing yourself diarrhea.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) October 22, 2016
5.
Im uploading a fart onto the dark web
— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) December 4, 2017
4.
imagine if poop was transparent. I’d completely lose my shit
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) December 31, 2014
3.
Ten years after my death, my best friend finally opens the package I left him in my will. He’s confused by the empty box. He wonders if there’s been a mistake. Then, he smells the fart.
Laughing, my ghost can now rest in peace.
— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) February 18, 2018
2.
Diarrhea. The green apple splatters. Booty sneezes. # 1 from # 2. I scared the squid. Get the wet nurse, I’m having a natural water birth.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) February 22, 2016
1.
.@Harvard I bought a crimson Harvard t-shirt and unless you pay me $50 I’m going to wear it to the mall and pee my pants
— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) September 7, 2015