Remember when you were 7 years old and all someone had to do was say the word “fart” to make you laugh for the rest of the day? Those were good times. Now you have to be an adult. You have to pretend everything is very serious and farts are gross. Poop is unsanitary and shouldn’t be discussed. The only place for pee is in the potty, but you don’t call it that because you’re a grownup. Only the immature laugh at such things.
Congratulations. This post is your safe place. Let 7 year old you take the wheel for a while. Trade in your polite chuckle for a honest giggle. I promise once you’re done reading these you can go back to doing your taxes or whatever very mature activity you were responsibly engaging in.
When i try to do a silent fart in class and it starts coming out slow and high pitched pic.twitter.com/HF4acfdf8B
— james (@anuscosgrove) March 9, 2016
the cvs cashier asked me how im doing as i put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. “not great man ive got diarrhea” i told him
— deg (@degg) October 13, 2013
I always opt for using the hand dryer instead of paper towels for those people waiting to fart in bathroom stalls. You’re welcome.
— ⋙⋙?koko ?⋘⋘ (@koukooonei) November 24, 2015
WIFE: I think this place is haunted.
ME: (trying to find something to blame my fart on) Sure smells haunted.
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) July 8, 2017
I have so much butt hair my diarrhea comes out as filtered drinking water.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) November 2, 2015
When you’re around your crush but you gotta fart real bad pic.twitter.com/wrO3gFtzwV
— P (@paisleythi) March 8, 2016
When you give your cat his diarrhea medicine without any problems pic.twitter.com/ayUHJFtMhK
— jonathan senderblock (@senderblock23) April 24, 2015
i can’t believe steve jobs created the mute button on facetime audio so you could fart really loud while your friend keeps talking
— brett (@lomehli) February 19, 2016
I’d like to solve the puzzle?
WATCHING. MY. DENTIST. PEE. ONLINE. pic.twitter.com/8Re5iPdwHb
— Seanbaby (@Seanbabydotcom) June 28, 2017
Guys Who Slightly lift Their Butt To Fart in Public While Seated… WE CAN SEE YOU!
— Nick Njacy (@nick_JASSY) February 16, 2016