You know how people think you should go to a restaurant to break up with somebody or deliver bad news because by the virtue of being in public, the other person won’t “cause a scene,” Yeah, well, maybe, but that doesn’t mean the waiters and waitresses can’t hear you. Or that they’re trying their very best to hear your scandalous conversation. Hey, restaurant work is hard, and being privy to embarrassing convos is the best part of the job. Some people who have waited tables told AskReddit the juiciest, funniest, and most interesting stuff they ever happened to overhear while on the job.
1. The bad news: He’s leaving her. The worse news…
“Me and your sister are in love and I want a divorce”
2. Put some more buns in the oven for table 5.
Two adults and two teenagers, woman and girl on one side of the table, man and boy on the other. I just assume it’s a normal family out for dinner. Walk up after some time to take their order and they are all deep in conversation. Turns out they’re not related, yet. They are all discussing what to do about the boy getting the girl pregnant.
3. Bad timing.
I was bringing a man his third martini, at lunch, as his companion confronted him about alcoholism.
4. So much to unpack here.
Once was delivering drinks to two ladies and I caught, “I hate that bitch so much. I would fuck her boyfriend just to piss her off. I don’t care if I get an STD.”.
5. Old news.
An elderly couple sat down at a table in my section once, and the husband obviously had some severe health issues (Oxygen tank, and a nurse with him) so I guess he decided to confess to an affair during WW2 with one of the nurses in Germany, the wife was a little teary eyed at first, but forgave the guy saying “we’ve been married almost 75 years, you think I’m gonna let the past ruin it all now?”
6. Yes, well, a lot of things are clearer in retrospect.
Walked up to a couple figuring out where they could get Plan B. I realized that and tried to do a sharp turn to a different table. It seemed like a personal moment but they notice me make my b-line, I think, because they were really seemed embarrassed the rest of the meal. I definitely could have done it smoother.
7. Don’t worry, he didn’t hear a confession of murder. (It was manslaughter.)
“Ran him over and left the body there”
Was the conversation I walked in on. It was a married couple. Late forties or early fifties. If it had been in regards to some sort of story I don’t think they would have that “Oh shit did he hear that?” expression on their faces.
8. There’s a first time for everything.
I had a table that consisted of a young teenage boy, his parents, and his girlfriend. I’m not sure how THEY got to this point in the conversation, but it came up somewhere between ordering their food and the food being ready that the boy and the girl weren’t virgins anymore. The table was a mess of emotions for the rest of the night. The fury of the father, the disappointment of the mother, the defiance of the son, and the mortification of the girlfriend. I’m not sure why they didn’t leave immediately to sort it all out at home but they stayed the whole meal and made things awkward for everyone.
9. Tips were low that night.
We had a regular who brought dates to the restaurant all the time. We thought he was single until he brought his wife in and one of the servers said “who is this one?” right in front of the wife. I couldn’t believe my ears at the rude question alone, but the wife’s facial expression made it clear she picked up on it and when the husband introduced her as his wife I immediately had to get out of that awkward situation. Thank god it wasn’t my table.
10. This one went viral!
Once I walked up to a guy telling his girlfriend that he has Syphilis. I heard that and immediately turned around because I felt they needed another minute….