8. This is not just a ‘bad date,’ this is criminal:
An OKCupid chick:
We talked for a few times. The photos were small and blurry but I got the basic idea- at least enough to set up a date since she lived about 10 blocks away. She was about 24 at the time and I was 28.We meet at a bar and while she isn’t fat, she is more plump than her profile lead on but all in all, not anywhere near as bad as some of the girls discussed here. I knew nothing was going to come of it but had nothing else to do that night so I figured I could have some drinks and hit the sack before midnight.
Almost as soon as we met, she suggests we start taking shots of whiskey. This girl could drink! Over the course of a couple of hours she probably had a half dozen shots of whiskey and several mixed drinks. During the process she liked to discuss how much she loved giving blowjobs and how slutty she was. I guess she had self esteem issues, I dunno.
I was plastered – like blind drunk – by the time we are ready to leave. I don’t remember going to my apartment but I remember we ended up on my couch with a movie on as I faded in and out of consciousness and she raided my liquor cabinet.
What happens next would have landed me in jail if the roles were reversed:
First, I wake up to her on my lap. She is sitting facing away from me, grinding her (still in dress & panties) crotch against my jeans and stumbling about during the process…then things go black again….
I wake up again and this time it is to a blowjob. I might have been drunk but I remember a good blowjob and this chick was giving a great deep-throat, gagging blowjob like only a drunk girl and/or pornstar can…then things go black again…
I wake up again and now she has my pants around my knees, she had removed her panties and squatting over me f**king me with no condom. I remember being totally freaked out by that, but not as freaked out as when she removed her bra and a dusting of dead skin fell out of the cups and onto my black shirt. I literally threw her off of me as I stood up and ran to the bathroom with my pants around my ankles, puking my guts out into the toilet.
When I got back from the bathroom I was slightly sobered up and she was sitting on the couch masturbating. She asked if we could finish having sex and I said no but she could finish me with a bj if she wanted to. I honestly don’t remember if I came or not because I passed out again.
When I woke up the next morning she was gone and I never replied to another one of her text or OKCupid messages again.
7. Err…could’ve been worse? I guess?
I was set up by a friend when I was 16. He took me to the movies (at the mall) and awkwardly tried to make out. Then we sat in the food court and he asked my honest opinion of him, which I mumbled something typical like “you seem nice.” Without invitation he then delved into what he thought of me, which was attractive but could be really hot if I lost 5-10lbs. Then he left me for a bit, which was weird, and returned with a lovely gift…a creepy puppet.
6. Let’s hope he’s evolved since:
Once went on a date with a guy from work (bad idea) who took me to Dave and Busters, for one (an arcade, for those who dont know…). During the meal, he said all of the following:
-I have a short attention span and cant date a single girl for over 3 months.
-I want to become a professional video game player.
-I want to train to be a professional eater.
-I dont want to work a day in my life. I just want to play paintball.He was 23 years old, and I was 20. Even I knew this was childish nonsense. Later on at the movie, he asked if i would pay for our tickets because he ran out of money on our $25 dinner at the arcade.