25.
My 5yo on her 1st day of K: “They asked me to count as high as I could. I could’ve done 200, but I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.”
— Bridget Liszewski (@BridgetOnTV) August 26, 2017
24.
A 3 year old just looked me in the eye and said “get me a la croix or get out of my life” and I was like, damn queen ok
— Ash (an female) (@adult_mom) March 19, 2018
23.
4: Mommy, you’re just like a Disney movie. We should play pretend.
Me: Aww! Sure!
4:You can be the Beast.
Me: …
4: Or the fat sea witch!— Marl (@Marlebean) April 17, 2014
22.
My 3-year-old just announced she was gonna be a rainbow and then disappeared with 15 bottles of nail polish.
This isn’t going to end well.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 6, 2017
21.
A mom brought her young son into the Macy’s dressing room, and he’s saying things like “Not your best look” and “It makes you lumpy right there,” and I want to ask his opinion about these pants.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) February 25, 2018
20.
My neighbor’s 5yo son bought GS cookies for 20% off & sold them for double. He’s going to be a billionaire or convict. There’s no in between
— jj hartinger (@jjhartinger) January 25, 2017
19.
I lead the after-school drama club at my kid’s school. A 1st gr said, “Can you teach me how to act like I’m listening when my dad talks?”
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) February 1, 2016
18.
4: Teacher says if our house is on fire, you and mommy and firefighters will save us.
Me: That’s right.
4: I think I’ll save myself and everyone else should just save my stuff.— Distracted Dad (@Distracted_Dad) March 19, 2018
17.
My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, “That’s just 4 things.” So she’s basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.
— jendziura (@jendziura) February 15, 2018
16.
4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?
Wife: I got this for Mother’s Day.
4: You’re only a mom because of me.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 13, 2017