Marriage is long if you’re lucky and hard if you’re not. That said, there’s nothing else quite like it. It involves merging your entire life with somebody else’s—you combine finances, don’t have sex with anybody else, and share living quarters together. That last once can get dicey if both partners don’t have quite the same standards of cleanliness.
For this one couple in Australia, “he” is apparently the neat-nick, and “she” is a real slob, at least in the bathroom. Earlier this year, he’d had enough of her bathroom behaviors, and let her know with a letter taped to the bathroom mirror. A Brisbane affiliate of Australia’s ABC network shared the photo “darling Rosie” took of the list, and it went viral.
”Husband” acts and writers like he’s a manager, and his wife is his employee. The list is both a passive aggressive and just plain regular aggressive memo chastising his spouse for all of her bathroom sins, filled with little digs and annoying corporate-esque buzzwords he made up and little jokes he thinks are just oh so clever.
Here’s the full text:
RE: THE BATHROOM
To my darling Rosie,
Babe can you remember 20 days ago, you said, “babe, I know my bathroom habits really piss you off, but I am going to change this year I promise!” Unfortunately, not much has changed. In fact, it’s worse, to the point that I now suffer from Bathroom Surprise Anxiety.
I thought the idea of twin vanities in, meant we got our own – you know, His and Hers. Why is it then, that my vanity basin has become a permanent storage container for your makeup brushes, bottles, lipsticks and whatever other ‘girl-magic’ you practice.
You have 4 drawers and I have 1. Do you have some sort of Drawer FOMO that incites you to invade my only drawer area? Granted I do have the top-drawer vanity – and this is so I don’t have to bend down as far to get MY things; remember I an 6 ft offing 6, compared to your 5ft 7, and I have 2 titanium hips, so bending isn’t my strong point.
Let’s talk about the actual Bathroom Contents and General Hygiene:
The Toothpaste: how offing hard is it to put the lid back on the tube so that when the next person (i.e. me) comes along to use it it’s not dry and conjealed like roadkill. Do we need his and hers toothpaste?? If I didn’t love you quite so much I may just be tempted to sabotage the toothpaste with some foreign matter (up to your imagination) to teach you a lesson.
American-Crew Fibre – this is a male hair product (and I don’t give a [excised] about political correctness, it’s a bloody male hair product), yet I continually find your paw prints inside it with lid of course nowhere to be found, so when I need to use it, it is like a cross between a panel beaters bog and polyspak filler instead of a beautifully textured paste.
Deodorant – 3 words, Use Your Own!!!
Bath towels – they belong on hooks no the floor! For your well-educated benefit, the Oxford Concise dictionary defines HOOK as the device that protrudes from the wall for you to hang things on.
MY Razor – My grandpa told me that blokes should never ever share razors, I wonder what the old man would have said about a man’s wife using his razor?
Bathroom bin – tell me honestly, do you believe in some sort of bathroom bin fairy? We have been together 8 years = 416 weeks, with the bin emptied once a week by me = 416 by me and donuts, zero, Roy Orbison by you …… any chance babe?
The Flush – contrary to your belief that flush is the term describing a winning hand in poker, the Flush is also plumbing term. Look it up. Practice it.
I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH – PLEASE CHANGE BATHROOM HABITS
YOUR HUSBAND