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This Helpful Packet From The Satanic Panic Of the ’80s Is Hilariously Intense

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Ah, good ol’ scare tactics. They never get old. (Or go away, apparently.)

In the 1980’s, many American parents were part of a moral panic spurred by reports of Satanic ritual abuse and became increasingly concerned about the possibility of teenagers becoming involved in Satanism. This led to a significant amount of semi-hysterical instructional literature aimed at informing parents about the “signs” of cult involvement. (Which, as you can imagine, frequently involved fairly innocuous activities.)

Recently, Twitter user Jennifer Jordan and her sister discovered a bizarre collection of papers in a supply closet at the school where her sister works as an art teacher.

The papers are a resource from local police for parents who have reason to believe that their child has become involved in Satanism — and the list of common characteristics found in a Satan-worshipping youth is hilariously absurd.

Listening to Heavy Metal? Definitely Satanic. (The use of candles can also not be trusted.)

A list of resources is also included, one of which is called “Bothered Against Dungeons and Dragons.”

SERIOUSLY??

There was even more frantic and cautionary materials in the packet.

Twitter was shocked and fascinated by the thread.

Many former ’80s kids even shared their own misunderstood instances of “occult behavior.”

For the record, the Church of Satan does not approve this scare-tactic-infused literature.