15.
“So we kill a tree”
Ok
“And put it inside our house”
Nice
“Then we hang up some socks”
I’m with ya
“And then we drink egg milk punch”
What— dan mentos (@DanMentos) December 23, 2015
14.
4yo: is grover cookie monster’s dad?
me: holy shit— dan mentos (@DanMentos) October 16, 2015
13.
I’ve been banned from the starwars subreddit for repeatedly referring to C3PO as “the aluminum foil”
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) February 6, 2018
12.
[spelling bee]
“your word is… death”
can you use it in a sentence?
“in most states, yes”— dan mentos (@DanMentos) October 2, 2015
11.
*airplane makes really loud noise*
*pilot on intercom* what the fuck was that— dan mentos (@DanMentos) January 16, 2015
10.
his palms are sweaty
knees weak
arms are heavy
there’s pic.twitter.com/wTjpK19Kub— dan mentos (@DanMentos) March 24, 2016
9.
[introducing girlfriend to my family]
me: this is my girlfriend janine
janine: hi
wife: what the fuck— dan mentos (@DanMentos) August 11, 2016
8.
“I’ll have a rum and coke”
Is pepsi ok?
“Sure whatever”
*hands you a pepsi and coke*— dan mentos (@DanMentos) November 24, 2014
7.
[last supper]
Jesus: *raising chalice* let us sup
Judas: what’s sup?
Jesus: Not much what’s up with you lmao
Judas: this is the last straw— dan mentos (@DanMentos) March 7, 2016
6.
“I just tried to make reservations at the library”
You don’t need a res-
“Couldn’t get one though”
Don’t do this
“They were fully booked”— dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 4, 2015