Trump Bragged About Having A Nuclear Button, But This Man Has The Receipts

Donald Trump is a man obsessed with size. He made a name for himself by constructing  the biggest buildings in the biggest cities and slapping his name on them. He bragged about the (non-existent) giant crowds at his inauguration. He reminds the world about his huge Electoral College win (despite losing the popular vote). He trolled new Apprentice host Arnold Schwarzenegger about how the show had better ratings when he hosted. Heck, he got elected on a promise to build a huge wall along the Mexican border. He freaks out whenever anybody mentions his tiny little baby hands. A Freudian psychiatrist probably has some ideas about why Trump is so obsessed with things being small vs. big…ifyaknowwhatwemean.

So far, 2018 looks to contain more of the same from Trump, that is, if we all live to see much more of 2018. It’s only the first week of January and he’s already causing mass panic and nuclear war anxiety. It all started (or at least this round did) on January 1, when North Korea’s dear leader Kim Jong Un went on TV to brag/warn that “The whole territory of the U.S. is within the range of our nuclear strike and a nuclear button is always on the desk of my office.”

Trump’s response: a call for measured diplomacy and peace talks. Just kidding! He did what he usually did, and recklessly tweeted.

Obvious “overcompensating” aside, that’s all fake news. Trump’s button isn’t bigger, more powerful, nor packs more length, girth, or stamina than Kim’s because there is no such thing as a nuclear button. Here’s how the nuclear launch process actually works: A military aide carries a briefcase (commonly known as the “nuclear football”) wherever the president goes. Inside of it are instructions, along with a radio transceiver and other stuff that launches a nuclear attack. There just plain is no big red button on the Oval Office desk.