If you live in America – or you’re a big fan of The Big Bang Theory – you’ve probably eaten at The Cheesecake Factory at least once in your life. And, if you haven’t eaten there before, I’ll be the first to tell you that their cheesecake is severely disappointing. The chain restaurant is that of “Applebees” and “TGI Fridays” – American bar food that tries to be a bit “fancy” – but, it’s not. The food is “eh” the service is “meh” and the decor is “bleh.” So, when one Twitter user decided to present a brutal takedown of the restaurant chain, I was ready and all ears. User @MaxKriegerVG shared his thoughts, insight, and opinions and seriously – while I agree on some points – I need to know why he’s so triggered.
If you want a fully immersive "postmodern design hellscape" themed dining experience I highly recommend dinner at The Cheesecake Factory
from a design perspective that place is fuckin wild and I'll talk a little bit about why pic.twitter.com/0RHFDjKsuo
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
The Cheesecake Factory essentially grew out of a Los Angeles bakery business. Then, in 1992, they brought on hospitality designer Rick McCormack and shit went off the rails
We're talking VICTORIAN-EGYPTIAN-ROCOCO OFF THE RAILS
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
I mean check out this exterior
greco-roman cornices, seashells above the pseudo-arched doors, topped with a dome airlifted from fucking st. basil's pic.twitter.com/A7gweGu2Y5
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
The interior is a world of aesthetic chaos that feels like a mix between a Fry's Electronics, an overgrown Panera, and a laser tag arena. It's /sensational/.
Palm trees sit aside 2000's-chic glass lighting fixtures, French limestone floors, mosaics, fresco-like murals… pic.twitter.com/kRgFHQh0zw
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
Pseudo-Egyptian faces top columns with hybrid palm frond/lotus blossom designs and pseudo-heiroglyphics. It's unchecked white exoticism/orientalism run amok w a huge budget. Some elements like the face's "third eye" and the Sauron-like sconces borderline on occult flavor. pic.twitter.com/gXIxT4yfr4
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
TCF blasts you w/ a "luxury dining" aesthetic while cutting some /bizarre/ corners.
They serve you water in tankards, seat you in wicker chairs at marble tabletops.
Then you realize your tankards are plastic, your wicker is plastic, and your table is vinyl-lined particle board. pic.twitter.com/5sxUl4I8Fj
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
But wait, there’s more.
Both ostentatiously gaudy and consistently cheap, from the fake plaster walls to the fake wicker chairs, TCF is almost reminiscent of a theme park. The more you stare at this and see elements like the tacky booth cushions and glass dividers slowly emerge, the more surreal it gets pic.twitter.com/9c802tJ0H4
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
The unchecked frenetic design doesn't stop there. Look at the goddamn menu.
Or should I say FOUR MENUS – menu, "skinnylicious", drinks, cheesecakes (not desserts, that's different!)
It is the most intentionally obtuse culinary document I've ever seen. It wants to DISORIENT YOU pic.twitter.com/8kOIzhc2XO
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
-"Quick Bites"
-Appetizers
-Glamburgers
-Specialties
-Pasta
-Sandwiches
-Steaks/Chops/Fish/Seafood
-Pizza
-"Super Foods"
-"Skinnylicious" (???)are all separate sections. there is no rhyme or reason to them. this menu is not your friend. it is actively trying to mislead you.
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
THAT'S RIGHT I SAID GLAMBURGER@tobyfox COME GET YA MANS pic.twitter.com/HGaM8L6RkE
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
mid-menu advertisements for the RESTAURANT YOU HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN TO DINE AT are frequent and deliberately make you lose track of your spot
here's one, w/ an entire page of flavor text
this thing feels like a god damn playbill. all the tcf's a stage, and we are but its players pic.twitter.com/loS7e3AUYe
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
after wandering the menu a while, helplessly, you order and the food arrives. it's good. not bad, not great, but good. better than an applebee's, better than a friday's. i wanted to say i hated it, but in truth, i couldn't. that was probably the most disappointing part of all.
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
And then, at the end of it all, in a cold lonely counter cooler, the cheesecake.
my location placed it near the lobby/exit, far from the dining area. alone.
The namesake dish feels utterly inconsequential by the time you reach it.
Perhaps it meant something once. pic.twitter.com/Sau8s5QQa7
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
To conclude:
There is nothing more quintessentially "American capitalism" in flavor than The Cheesecake Factory
Wealth run wild. Chaotic visual fantasies realized w no aesthetic discipline. An obsession with appearance of luxury. Gross excess that excels at feigning its quality
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
It feels like a relic of another era, one where such a vision was sold to the American public as a utopian concept. It, like the brief period of neoliberalistic prosperity that made it possible, is a fever dream made manifest. Enjoy it while you can.
— 〽️ax krieger hits the road (@MaxKriegerVG) November 17, 2017
I’m floored. I’ve never seen such a precise and proper takedown of a capitalist establishment done so effortlessly and eloquently. People on Twitter were grateful and also impressed.
my favorite fact about these guys is that they have like next to no market research or menu testing operations. they just bring new potential menu items to the founder and he eats them all in a row and permanently adds the ones he likes to the menu
— Hannah (@HannahYoleau) November 17, 2017
i have never set foot in a cheesecake factory and had no idea what i expected but this thread has made me question my very reality
— Aspiring friend to local crows (@LarkBrains) November 17, 2017
https://twitter.com/TimFederle/status/931507843504787456
https://twitter.com/taciturasa/status/931401994643935232
https://twitter.com/nedicus/status/931434852175548417
https://twitter.com/HeatherMcFrln/status/931417356516999168
https://twitter.com/Mythos_Media/status/931412306050863104
And if you need a little help making it even better, take this Twitter user’s advice.
@jadak515 @riley8213 I 100% read this in Stefan’s voice 😅 pic.twitter.com/q76Q2l0XGn
— jordy (@Jordyn_schwahn) November 17, 2017