Life comes at you fast. It doesn’t wait for you to be ready. It doesn’t give you any warnings. One minute you’re minding your own business walking down the sidewalk, the next a homeless guy is chucking a soda bottle full of pee at you. Okay, that’s an extreme example but also something that happened to me last week. My point is sometimes life is going to give you lemons, but those lemons suck and you can’t even make lemonade with them. So you’re just carrying around these bad lemons looking like a jerk. Anyway, life can be cruel, but at least when it’s being cruel to someone else you can get a few laughs.
1. Oh you thought you’d take a shortcut? There’s no shortcuts in life.
2. Life drops truth bombs. You can’t handle the truth.
3. The lifeguard told you not to run.
4. Life made dogs love water but water hates dogs. How fair is that?
5. Truth bombs aren’t the only bombs life drops.
6. In life it’s survival of the fittest, and this girl doesn’t have much longer.
7. Life can be a jerk, but cats are straight up a**holes.
8. Monkeys too.
9. All you wanted was one perfect day? Life don’t care.
10. Sometimes life gives you lemons, then kicks you in those lemons.