Brace yourself, ladies of America: one of President Trump’s large adult sons will soon be back on the market. According to Page Six, Vanessa Trump filed for divorce from Donald Trump Jr. on Thursday after being married for over a decade.
“After 12 years of marriage, we have decided to go our separate ways,” the pair confirmed in a joint statement to Page Six. “We will always have tremendous respect for each other and our families. We have five beautiful children together and they remain our top priority. We ask for your privacy during this time.”
Vanessa has apparently filed for an uncontested proceeding, meaning that there isn’t likely to be a dispute over custody of the children or any financial assets.
The timing of the news is particularly coincidental, as special counsel Robert Mueller subpoenaed the Trump Organization on Thursday for documents pertaining to the Russia investigation. The company has been run by Don Jr. and Eric Trump since their father took office last year.
That’s not to suggest that there’s anything suspect about the divorce — but it’s certainly not outside the realm of possibility. As Page Six reports, “Nancy Chemtob, another family law expert who is not representing either party, said Vanessa could invoke spousal immunity to avoid testifying against her husband while their divorce is still pending.”
Chemtob also added that Vanessa may have filed for the divorce now so as to nab a financial settlement before the Russia probe potentially puts her husband’s assets at risk.
In all honesty, people weren’t terribly shocked.
my wife 6 months ago:
“If the sons don’t flip on their dad the wives will leave.”
— Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) March 15, 2018
It’s more surprising that the union lasted as long as it did.
The fact that Vanessa Trump somehow pushed out five of that man’s children makes me realize I don’t love money quite as much as I thought I did.
— KB (@KaraRBrown) March 15, 2018
Certain sources say that the alleged marital problems were the result of Don Jr.’s constant travel and his “controversial tweets.”
don jr’s wife is divorcing him because of his bad tweets pic.twitter.com/XG5uffUxKL
— eve peyser (@evepeyser) March 15, 2018
god damn it getting dumped over your tweets is relatable pic.twitter.com/xzWfbMnu6B
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) March 15, 2018
Considering some of Don Jr.’s past tweets, this theory actually makes a lot of sense.
speaking of your children and half your stuff, pic.twitter.com/BcwDoJvjBS
— a suckass clown (@circus_cannon) March 14, 2018
How could anyone divorce this man? pic.twitter.com/Shi4wW5YlS
— Daniel Kibblesmith ☃ (@kibblesmith) March 15, 2018
lol I just realized don jr’s tweets are totally going to be evidence in his child custody hearings
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) March 15, 2018
Some people were upset by Twitter’s caustic response to the divorce, criticizing the public’s lack of compassion regarding a traumatic family matter. Twitter, of course, gave zero f*cks.
I get why some people are hesitant to make fun of Donald Trump Jr’s impending divorce “because he has five kids” but have we considered that that this might be the best thing that ever happens to those kids
— Sara Schaefer (@saraschaefer1) March 15, 2018
sorry but if you’re an absolutely repellent human being who makes the world worse I’m gonna laugh when your wife leaves you and celebrate when you die
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) March 15, 2018
(Side note: an unexpected upside to this entire mess is the resurgence of Don Jr. and Vanessa’s wedding photos, which are an absolute delight.)
and then an old gypsy touched this photo and said “douchier” pic.twitter.com/k3nLUOG2D2
— shauna (@goldengateblond) March 16, 2018
Of course, people are now having to reckon with the possibility of Don Jr. dating again.
Oh, God. We’re going to have to watch Donald Trump Jr. date.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) March 15, 2018
Donald Trump Jr being single is the worst thing to happen to American women since drug-resistant gonorrhea https://t.co/mcG6oj8dUc
— erin ryan (@morninggloria) March 15, 2018
Damn, he’s already on Tinder. pic.twitter.com/gN79mGHeqB
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) March 15, 2018
I give it a week before Don Jr. shows up on one of those Trump supporter dating sites using the line: “U know that’s my dad right?”
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) March 14, 2018
Don Jr. is probably getting a divorce but he’ll always have his favorite piece of tail pic.twitter.com/QnTwNRTvmE
— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) March 14, 2018
Jokes aside, there’s something to be said for the timing of this whole debacle. While it’s highly plausible that this is simply a genuine dissolution of an unhappy marriage, the fact that it coincides with the Mueller subpoena is slightly suspect — particularly considering the fact that certain “assets” could very well be transferred to Vanessa.
I refuse to joke about Vanessa Trump bc it’s NEVER funny when a couple files for an uncontested quick divorce, one where assets can be swiftly transferred, on the same day an independent special counsel subpoenas their family business. People, this could happen to you someday.
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 16, 2018
That said, I can also fully believe that a person would absolutely, in their right mind, decide that they never want to have sex with Donald Trump Jr. ever again.
So, who’s to say what the real motivation behind this particular Trump divorce is? Perhaps it’s simply an attempt at continuing the proud family tradition of abandoning nuptial commitments.
However, one thing I am sure of is that it’s downright exhausting, dealing with this ongoing Trump Circus. It’s like watching an episode of reprehensible reality TV that none of us can turn off.
You gotta hand it to this family, it’s never boring. https://t.co/mYNVt8PenJ
— Trapper Sean, M.D. (@McMahonFirebird) March 14, 2018