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Donald Trump Jr.’s Wife Filed For Divorce, And You Bet Twitter’s Got Jokes

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Brace yourself, ladies of America: one of President Trump’s large adult sons will soon be back on the market. According to Page Six, Vanessa Trump filed for divorce from Donald Trump Jr. on Thursday after being married for over a decade.

“After 12 years of marriage, we have decided to go our separate ways,” the pair confirmed in a joint statement to Page Six. “We will always have tremendous respect for each other and our families. We have five beautiful children together and they remain our top priority. We ask for your privacy during this time.”

Vanessa has apparently filed for an uncontested proceeding, meaning that there isn’t likely to be a dispute over custody of the children or any financial assets.

The timing of the news is particularly coincidental, as special counsel Robert Mueller subpoenaed the Trump Organization on Thursday for documents pertaining to the Russia investigation. The company has been run by Don Jr. and Eric Trump since their father took office last year.

That’s not to suggest that there’s anything suspect about the divorce — but it’s certainly not outside the realm of possibility. As Page Six reports, “Nancy Chemtob, another family law expert who is not representing either party, said Vanessa could invoke spousal immunity to avoid testifying against her husband while their divorce is still pending.”

Chemtob also added that Vanessa may have filed for the divorce now so as to nab a financial settlement before the Russia probe potentially puts her husband’s assets at risk.

In all honesty, people weren’t terribly shocked.

It’s more surprising that the union lasted as long as it did.

Certain sources say that the alleged marital problems were the result of Don Jr.’s constant travel and his “controversial tweets.”

Considering some of Don Jr.’s past tweets, this theory actually makes a lot of sense.

Some people were upset by Twitter’s caustic response to the divorce, criticizing the public’s lack of compassion regarding a traumatic family matter. Twitter, of course, gave zero f*cks.

(Side note: an unexpected upside to this entire mess is the resurgence of Don Jr. and Vanessa’s wedding photos, which are an absolute delight.)

Of course, people are now having to reckon with the possibility of Don Jr. dating again.

Jokes aside, there’s something to be said for the timing of this whole debacle. While it’s highly plausible that this is simply a genuine dissolution of an unhappy marriage, the fact that it coincides with the Mueller subpoena is slightly suspect — particularly considering the fact that certain “assets” could very well be transferred to Vanessa.

That said, I can also fully believe that a person would absolutely, in their right mind, decide that they never want to have sex with Donald Trump Jr. ever again.

So, who’s to say what the real motivation behind this particular Trump divorce is? Perhaps it’s simply an attempt at continuing the proud family tradition of abandoning nuptial commitments.

However, one thing I am sure of is that it’s downright exhausting, dealing with this ongoing Trump Circus. It’s like watching an episode of reprehensible reality TV that none of us can turn off.