When you’re pregnant for the first time (or anytime really), the biggest worry you have is the moment when you’ll give birth.
Almost every mom hears the scary stories about how they’ll poop on the delivery table, they’ll cry, they’ll bleed–someone will do something stupid. There are dozens and dozens of horror stories about giving birth that scare almost everyone who will ever deliver a child–but, there are also some downright hilarious ones. BuzzFeed asked their users to share the funniest childbirth story they have and they delivered and then some.
After I pushed out my placenta, my OB handed it to a student doctor who’d been observing. But the student was so nervous that he couldn’t get a grip on it, and it slipped out of his hands, dropping onto the ground with a big ‘SPLAT’! My OB yelled at him, ‘PICK THAT UPPPPPP!’”
A resident came in to check my dilation, and we started talking. Well, she must not have been paying much attention to where her hands were, because before I knew it, her fingers were up my BUTTHOLE! When she realized it, she was so mortified that we didn’t see her again for the remainder of our time at the hospital.
I was having a really bad contraction and going, ‘mmmmm’, but as the contraction got more intense, it became, ‘mmmmMOOO’. I literally mooed. Like a cow.
The hottest doctor I’d ever seen came in to check my cervix, and then he stood up and said, ‘She’s got quite a lot of hair!’ I was enraged, because I hadn’t seen my feet in weeks, let alone had time to trim up down there! After my rage subsided, I realized he was referencing my baby’s hair, not my vag.
While having my first i was awake from 9 pm to 7 am trying to breath through the contractions. I finally couldn’t do it anymore and was just so exhausted that I asked for an epidural. I was able to finally sleep with the epidural. It was glorious! I felt nothing from the waist down! Well they came in to check me a few hours after and I sat up. I thought I heard my husband fart and was really really embarrassed that he would do that when the drs came in. The whole time they were checking me I was just so annoyed that he would do that. When the drs left I asked him about it and he goes “wasn’t me, babe. It was you.” I laughed so hard and was so embarrassed that the dr had to check me after I had just farted. And let me just say…it wasn’t a small toot. It was a hunky bloooop. Poor dr.
We were trying to get things going so decided to go for an early morning dog walk. My waters went while out. The combination of warm waters and a frosty crisp morning equals a very steamy crotch. My husband pointed and laughed at me for about ten minutes. I then had to waddle home wet and steaming.
I’d been given laughing gas, and it caused me to grope my mom’s breasts, laughing and saying, ‘Ha ha, boobies!’