8.
wife: I am having an affair
me: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have the affair as well
— yabkat (@ohen39) July 20, 2017
9.
The 5 Stages of Butter:
1. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter
2. I Am FURIOUS That It's Butter
3. Give Me Butter or Give Me Death
4. God, Me So Sad That It's Butter
5. Fine, Ok, It Butter— Karen Chee (@karencheee) February 10, 2018
10.
welcome to america. heres your paperwork. oh by the way, "duh" and "no duh" mean the same thing. alright, good luck out there
— jesse farrar (@BronzeHammer) April 15, 2014
11.
Y'all are stuck in 2018 watching the Olympics in 2D while I'm in the future watching it in 3D pic.twitter.com/CsKHpbZQki
— Austin Hoffman (@reallyhoffman) February 11, 2018
12.
Mom: Only get tattoos that mean a lot to you
Me: pic.twitter.com/uz7UD1Kj0z
— SLiME DADDY (@FRONZ1LLA) February 11, 2018
13.
If someone stole my identity I would be like, "Haha now you have no money and you're bad at basketball."
— Patches (@Mostly_Cheese) October 23, 2017
14.
i set my alarms extra early to make sure i have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up
— ᴠɪɴᴄᴇɴᴛ (@vinnycrack) February 1, 2018
15.
women who wanna steal another woman’s man are WILD
why y’all think a MAN is worth stealing? steal a cheesecake from whole foods do better for yourself— berney (@lotuseatur) February 2, 2018