Twitter is collectively trolling a particularly regressive tweet about the ideal future for a woman — and the fruits of their efforts are so poetic that they should probably be bound in a published volume.
It all started when Twitter user Mallori Taylor tweeted a bizarrely specific tweet for all the LADIES out there, describing her perfect future:
The tweet subsequently went viral, for reasons that defy explanation.
This sort of fantasizing is baffling to me, because:
- You are literally fantasizing about the most mundane sh*t. You might as well daydream about going to the movies in 15 years, or flossing your teeth.
- That is ALL that you require for the perfect life?? Honey, no.
Apparently, Twitter was also confused by this logic.
i would actually want to die if my life came down to this.
— Rileylu (@langeriley99) May 21, 2018
College girls on twitter aggressively fantasizing about being 40 year old moms who do regular activities with their fictional families is one of the most bizarre social media trends https://t.co/QP6VtpnzPk
— kb (@kbnoswag) May 21, 2018
Some people decided to straight-up roast the seemingly bucolic, “American Dream” life that Mallori described.
LADIES imagine this- 15 yrs from now you come home from your dream job bc you had ambition. You have a healthy loving marriage with someone who isn’t named Chad or trying to relive his subpar glory days as a coach & your kids aren’t entitled brats
NOW THAT IS LIVING MY BEST LIFE
— Yumna Khan (@yumna_khan1) May 22, 2018
LADIES, imagine this:
the year is 2018 and you never left your hometown. you joined a pyramid scheme ? you’re #HustlingFromHome and making 5k a week! your husband cheated on you with Shelby from Sams Club, so you post a facebook status and several accompanying memes about it.
— bailey (@BaileyMoon15) May 22, 2018
LADIES imagine this,
its 15 years from now. your son gets cross checked but it doesn’t get called. the team he’s playing scores a goal. ur husband gets so mad he goes up to the glass and starts yelling. he bangs on the glass and it comes off. another parent goes “way to go Paul”— pam (@pamelaeus) May 23, 2018
LADIES- imagine this, 15 years pass, you marry your college sweetheart, Greg from Kappa Theta Pi, the sexy racist baseball star, you have 2 children, Brayson & Kaylee, you stitch their baby blankets w/ your dorm room tapestry, your marriage is failing & your kids are suffering
— emma (@lildokigirl) May 21, 2018
LADIES, imagine this
Its 15 years from now, you’re recently divorced after your college sweetheart Chad from sigma chi cheated on you with his coworker. You have a “can I speak to the manager” haircut. You’re alone at an Applebees bar drinking a miller lite. It’s Christmas Day.
— Bern Mustian (@BernMustian) May 22, 2018
Other preferred to imagine movie plots (honestly, same).
LADIES imagine this,
It’s 20 years from now. Your daughter is about to get married. You don’t have a husband but three men that might be her father show up on your Greek island. It’s chaos. Pierce Brosnan is singing. It’s Mamma Mia
— jenna jackson (@jennalinds) May 23, 2018
LADIES IMAGINE THIS!
you have a 39 y/o son brennan who still lives at home. you fall in love with a man at a medical conference who has a 40 y/o son dale who still lives at home. you get married. then divorced. you attend the catalina wine mixer. prestige worldwide is a success.
— sara (@itssaranielsen) May 24, 2018
LADIES IMAGINE THIS – Your husband is the strongest man in the world and you have 3 children. One is the fastest kid on planet while the other can turn invisible. Your newborn’s power is yet to be discovered and you have a family friend who doesn’t know where his super suit is
— Kyle Cachero? (@KyleCachero) May 24, 2018
LADIES imagine this, it’s 15 years from now—it’s spring, the harvest was poor, you’ve lured an unknowing sacrifice to your island & you’re about to burn him inside the wicker man pic.twitter.com/2OfFi4wcS4
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) May 24, 2018
A few actually went back in time for their imaginings.
LADIES imagine this— it’s 1692. Your husband is building a house with sod and rocks. Your 6 sons are outside playing with their stick and hoop. You are hanging laundry and hoping the townsfolk don’t discover you’re a witch. Life is perfect. ❤
— Rebecca Taylor (@BecTaylor13) May 22, 2018
ladies, imagine this. it’s 1693. the townspeople caught you kissing your neighbor Zachariah’s wife so they all think you’re a witch. you’ll be dead by tomorrow but for now you’re kinda just loving the attention
— ASYA (@communistbabe) May 23, 2018
LADIES imagine this: it’s 1830 and you’re on the Oregon trail. Your husband died of dysentery 500 miles into your 2,170 mile trek, 5 of your 11 kids were abducted by bandits in Missouri, and you had to trade the remaining 6 for food and oxen. Life is PERFECT.
— Brad Payne (@bradinho__) May 23, 2018
And then some were just weird AF, but I appreciate them so much.
LADIES imagine: it’s fifteen years from now. you’re retired. you like to wear straw hats and walk your dog on the beach. you go into the lounge and a body tumbles out of the pantry. another murder. the police can’t solve this. retirement’s over.
— the library haunter ? (@SketchesbyBoze) May 23, 2018
LADIES, Imagine this: the year is 2038, you’re at your sons baseball game and he is up to bat. it begins to rain and your robot husband begins to short circuit. he shoots missles from his fingertips and destroys everything in a ten mile radius. there are no survivors.
— HOOBASTANKY LEG (@baileycfox) May 23, 2018
LADIES!
Imagine this. 15 Year’s from now. You’re lying in a field of ur very own grown marijuana. The sun is shining, you’re smoking a blunt while ur significant other is sucking on your titty. U order Chinese. Ur cream cheese wontons have just arrived. Ur living the dream.
— Lucero Godina (@lucerogodina) May 22, 2018
I hope Mallori gets the future that she’s hoping for — and I hope that the rest of us get a future that’s markedly better.