15 Nurses On The Best Responses They’ve Ever Gotten To That Sexual History Question

It’s safe to say that we’ve all gone to the doctor at least once or twice in our lives. As we get older and we go for our “yearly checkups,” the questions that arise in the doctor’s office get more and more serious. You know the ones –

Do you drink?

Do you use any recreational drugs?

“How often do you partake in sexual activities?

While we want to find out exactly how horrible or great our health is—we also don’t want to look like complete a**holes to our doctors. How am I supposed to tell my doctor I had a one-night stand last night and we hit the bong after we were finished?

And, while we’re so wrapped up in maintaining our “adultlike” composure, we never truly stop to think about what the f*ck the doctor is thinking when all of this starts spewing out of our mouth like word vomit.

15. mhornberger‘s patient had a lot of explaining to do…

I signed in a sixteen year-old girl who told the doctor “I can’t be in labor–I’ve never had sex” as she gives her Dad a “please don’t kill me” look. Ah, family moments.

14. Coord26673 might have asked the question in a confusing way, or something.

I worked in a prison and our ‘sexual history’ question gets a little more indepth. However my favourite answer of all time followed the question “Have you ever used drugs or illicit substances?” To which the inmate responded No, he had never.

Then the sexual history question came up and he said “Well I snorted coke off a hooker, but I didn’t fuck her so does that count?”

We had to restart the questionnaire.

13. Dan-z-man should’ve advised her to engage in better bookkeeping first and foremost:

As a Med student in an std clinic in Miami I asked a lady how many sexual partners she had. “Honey, I get paid to fuck. I got no clue.” She got all the antibiotics.