So now that the whole “don’t let a child molester get elected in Alabama” thing is over and done with, progressive crusaders now have to turn their attentions back to another issue that threatens to undo all that which we love and hold dear. Namely, the internet, and how it’s free, easy to use, and not gamed by nefarious corporations.
This week, the Federal Communications Commission is set to vote out “Net Neutrality” rules. Basically, it will allow internet service providers (ISPs) to charge customers more for varying levels of internet usage. That makes the internet a far less open and democratic communication tool and subject to the whims of big telecommunications corporations.
Contact your representatives and the members of the FCC panel all you want — really, do that — but it looks like FCC chairman Ajit Pai has already made up his mind to burn it all down. With the help of a conservative website called The Daily Caller, Pai produced a video called “7 Things You Can Still Do on the Internet After Net Neutrality.” It’s a transparent attempt to make us all think that ending Net Neutrality is a good thing. It’s also a completely tone-deaf attempt at a “fun internet video these kids today seem to enjoy” made without a hint of irony or self-awareness.
Along with a whistling music track that sounds like it’s from a bank commercial, Pai promises that we’ll still be able to do all the stuff we love to do on the internet, like ‘gram our food, post dog pictures, binge watch Game of Thrones, and, ugh, make “Harlem Shake” videos. Timely! (Fun fact: Along for the dance is Martina Markota, a woman who helped spread “Pizzagate,” the right-wing conspiracy theory that Hillary Clinton and other democrats used a Washington, D.C. pizza parlor to operate a child sex ring.)
“Look at me,” Pai basically says. “I’m just like you, fellow internet user who won’t be able to use the internet as much unless you’re willing to pay more money to your ISP for premium usage rates.” Also, you know he’s a cool guy you can trust because sometimes in the video he wears sunglasses.
This video may go viral, but for all the wrong reasons. People on social media are calling out Pai.
You can still do all those things, you just have to pay for each one separately
— Kayla (@makeupbxtch) December 14, 2017
The cringe is real.
— Bax360 (@bax365) December 13, 2017
Did you get a dental transplant from a horse?
— mitchell c (@m_cashflo) December 14, 2017
NOBODY WANTS THIS YOU DUMB @verizon PUPPET ! THAT'S WHY THE PHONELINES ARE FULL OF CONCERN CITIZENS AND THE FCC COMMENT SECTION IS FULL OF SUPPORT FOR NET NEUTRALITY! #SaveNetNeutrality #SAVETHEINTERNET #StopTheFCC
— 202-224-3121 CALL CONGRESS! (@ProdByKirito) December 14, 2017
Go fuck yourself, you corrupt monster in a skin suit.
— Adam Murray (@Atom_Murray) December 14, 2017
WE ALL HATE YOU AND NO ONE WANTS THIS
— Katie Levine (@kt_money) December 14, 2017
Dude is this whole "ending the internet" thing just a spite move because you're not funny?
— Lyle McDouchebag (@LyleMcDouchebag) December 14, 2017
Hey Ajit, it's not about stupid memes. As a student, the internet is very important to me for research purposes as well as things such as remind. There are struggling families who can't afford this and our school sure as hell won't buy it. Stop thinking only about yourself.
— thottie 🏳️🌈 (@toxic_piee) December 14, 2017
Kids aren’t going to be able to afford the online resources that assist them with their education. We are fortunate to be using Google for free to assist with essays, projects, etc. Yet you want to take that away from us students. You should be ashamed.
— queen dee (@murdadee) December 14, 2017
As an educator, I know our students rely on the WWW's wealth of info/resources. Please don't ruin their future!
— Adam Zucker (@popart84) December 14, 2017