18.
[lightning strike super close to our house]
5-year-old: Missed me.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 3, 2018
17.
5-year-old: Leprechauns are fairies.
Me: They are?
5: I thought you went to college.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2018
16.
5-year-old: Can we have pizza?
Me: We just had pizza yesterday.
5: The pizza doesn’t know that.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 26, 2018
15.
Me: *gets burned by bacon grease* Ow!
7-year-old: Love hurts.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 2, 2017
14.
Me: What are you doing?
7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree.
Me: There aren’t any presents under the tree.
7: I know.
Passive aggressive level 9000.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2017
13.
3-year-old: *holds up a baby doll* What’s her name?
Me: She doesn’t have one. You can name her.
3: *kissing baby* I love you, Stupid Face.
She’ll make a great mother.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2017
12.
3-year-old: Mommy married you.
Me: Yeah.
3: Why?
Wife: Nobody knows.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 31, 2018
11.
2-year-old: *touches my beard* It’s soft like a kitty.
Me: You mean rugged and manly.
2: Purrrr.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 3, 2017
10.
4-year-old: What happens when you die?
Me: You go to heaven.
4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 2, 2014
9.
4-year-old: Why do you go to work?
Me: They pay me a salary.
4-year-old:
Me:
4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 28, 2015