11. Feeling punchy?
So I was an AP kid, and had a bunch of AP friends, and also was in sports and theater. I had a large bunch of friends in nearly every cliche.
Anyway. One day, one of my friends gets sucker punched in the halls by some dickwad. Becuase of the school’s zero tolerance policy, getting sucker punched carries the same punishment as sucker punching. So my friend and the dickwad both got in school suspension, but only one of them was punched on the face.
I thought that was a litte bit unfair.
So I got my friends together, and they got their friends together, and every week, one of us would sucker punch dickwad. Every week, one of us would have ISS, and so would dickwad, but since we are many, none of us went to ISS twice.
Dickwad on the other hand missed so much class, that he had to retake the grade.
12. Always leave a note.
I had a guy in school who would always skip class and then ask for my notes. We had a group project worth almost 40% of our grade and he did zero work, and the prof told me tough luck. Instead of just saying no the next time he asked for notes, I took the low road and began giving him edited versions.
I would leave items out of lists, incorrectly define things or just straight up write stuff that makes no sense.
An example of the crap I would put in: To calculate return on investment, subtract your yearly earnings from your current bank balance, then multiply by Echer’s factorial (4.22).
If he had even once bothered to crack the text he would have figured it out, but that apparently would have been too much effort for him.
He retook that class.
13. SPF meets WTF.
We were sitting by a pool once, and a woman stood over my wife and started spraying sunscreen all over herself – and my wife. We asked her nicely to please move and she ignored us and kept spraying. When we left, I took one of her flip flops with me.
14. Revenge is a dish best served raw.
In 3rd grade I was falsely accused by the hall monitor of talking during quiet time. Even after my dad came in and talked to the teacher she still punished me by keeping me from watching a movie and eating the cinnamon bread with everyone else. So the day before the class watched the movie and ate snacks, I unplugged the breadmakers right before we left school so no one would get any. I figured if I can’t have it, no one can.
15. This one is just plain corny.
I had a boss whom I couldn’t stand. One day, she banned microwave popcorn in the office because she hated the smell. About a month later, I bought one of those USB drives that has scented oil inside…scented like buttered popcorn. I plugged it in on the side of her desktop. Took her 6 months to figure it out.
16. The weight can come off, but the junk mail will never cease.
In college (early 1990’s), I lived with several guys in a suite. One liked to call me “chunky A”, yes, I was chubby (I still am, but I have lost a lot of weight and I am continue to lose more). I asked him politely but firmly to not call me that. He laughed and did it more.
I proceeded to call up every info-merrical I saw on TV to send him baldness cures (he was losing his hair), Tourist information from places like Iowa and Nebraska, had information sent to him about adult bed wetting, etc.
He accused me of it, and I told him, why would I do such a thing to him? I kept it up for 2 years while he lived in the dorms. His junior year, he moved out to an off campus place. I found out where he lived and I waited a couple of months and started it all over again.
Yeah, I bombarded him with junk mail.
17. That’s just how they roll.
We had a guy in our office take a crap in the bathroom every day after lunch and it would stink up the whole office. The manager asked everyone who needed to vacate their bowels to please use the lobby bathroom since our office was small and we only had the one bathroom. He didn’t listen. Fortunately, he was like clockwork so 5 minutes before he went in I took all the toilet paper…. that’s right. I forced the man to live with a dirty ass.