We’ve gotten pretty blasé about flying: We’re herded into a metal tube and flying through the sky at hundreds of miles an hour while we thumb through the in-flight magazine and zonk out on Xanax. A lot of people, particularly pilots and especially flight attendants work hard to ensure everybody gets to their destination without completely freaking out. Some flight attendants got on AskReddit to clue us all in on just what really happens in the friendly skies.
1. Turbulence? Don’t worry, it only feels like you’re gonna die.
It is nearly impossible for turbulence to crash a plane (even the bad stuff). Turbulence is only dangerous because of things flying around the cabin and that includes people not wearing seat belts. Most accidents happen at take off and landing that’s why we make you do all of those things before take off and landing.
2. Hey, it’s cool, we all occasionally nap at work, we just don’t fly planes for a living.
How much the pilots sleep
3. Sorry, bro, but you still can’t vape on the plane, bro.
Yes smoking really is an issue on board, please please don’t do it. We’re all trained in firefighting but it’s still extremely dangerous to do so on board. Vaping on the other hand is completely harmless but forbidden anyway, purely because it may entice other passengers to light up real cigs. The only real problem with e-cigs are the lithium batteries.
4. A plane is basically if they opened up a sewage treatment plant inside of a frat house.
I’m a flight attendant…. So many incidents occur on the plane that every day passengers don’t see or consider. My last flight an elderly man accidentally shit on the floor, stepped in it, and walked on like it was nothing. DO NOT WALK AROUND BAREFOOT. Pee and poop happens, all over. I feel like I witness an “accident” regularly; in their seat or in the lav. People get nose bleeds, or their wounds open. Obviously when we land, it is thoroughly cleaned. But inflight our resources are limited. DON’T CHANGE YOUR BABY’S DIAPER ON THE TRAY TABLE. This also happens all the time. It’s unsanitary and people use the tray table to eat, put their personal things on, etc.
5. Don’t let your dog take home a toy she found on the plane because it’s not a toy.
There are sometimes body parts in the storage area near your luggage ( when they are flying transplants for hospitals). Also your pets are In the same area as well.
6. There’s one thing on a plane more disgusting than the stranger sitting next to you.
Tray tables are rarely if ever sanitized do not put food directly on them.
7. Pay no attention to the engine fire. It’s fine. Really. No, really.
An airplane can fly with one engine, and if an engine catches on fire, they have the means of extinguishing it while in air.
8. Respect the elderly…such as airline pilots!
I used to work with elderly people and one of my clients was a former pilot that finally quit when he realized in the middle of a flight his dementia had progressed and he couldn’t remember where he was supposed to be flying to. Meaning he had been flying for a commercial airline with dementia for quite some time before that.
9. “See you next time!” is a threat.
When we say “see you next time” to certain passengers as they deplane after arrival, that’s our code word for “fuck you – I hope you never fly with us again”.
10. They know you’re drunk before you ever know you’re drunk.
When FAs greet you as you board, they aren’t just being nice, they’re making sure you’re not hammered or in some other way going to be a nuisance.
11. You can’t sneak in your own booze. An airplane isn’t a movie or your kid’s school play.
You aren’t aloud to consume your own alcohol in flight. The reason is that we have to be able to monitor your alcohol consumption in flight. The exception is first class. If you bring your own booze we can serve it to you in first class only.
12. Early morning flights aren’t hard on just the passengers.
I dated a flight attendant for a while. One thing I haven’t seen mentioned is that sometimes delays are caused by Flight attendants not showing up and the airline scrambling to get a back-up scheduled. Like a flight attendant was partying too hard last night and decided to call off 2 hours before that $1500 cross ocean flight you just popped on.
13. It turns out there’s a good reason that flight attendant stuck her finger in your Coke.
Sticking your finger in a too-fizzy Coke will subside the bubbles faster. Source – married to a former flight attendant who did it all the time to passenger drinks, and continues to do it to this day, much to my consternation. If those passengers only knew….
14. Another reason why being famous is the best.
We all know who the bitchy rude celebrities are and the nice ones. Celebrities will often be upgraded for free (say business to first) as it is free publicity for the airline if they tweet about it. A lot of them will travel under a fake name and we will be told to refer to them as that during our briefing.
15. The “sexy flight attendant” thing is a myth…so say flight attendants.
Along with the “sexy” flight attendant myth – lol. I have never felt more disgusting than when I was a flight attendant. I was constantly bloated from the air pressure, or doubled over with gas pain from holding in my farts. My feet smelled like hell, along with my shoes. I sometimes couldn’t properly wash my uniform or tights on long trips. I avoided the lavatories because they were disgusting so god knows what my (required) makeup looked like half of the time.
16. Trying to join the Mile High Club? They know.
We know if you’re having nookie in the bathroom, we can also open the doors, easily, from the outside.
via someecards