I think we can all agree that some of the more recent baby-naming trends are truly heinous. Brylee, Plaid, Briar … it’s like someone just attended a mountaintop Pinterest wedding and just decided to name their baby after the table decor. These names also inexplicably involve a lot of Y’s.
Bottom line: these trendy names are way too easy to mock.
In a fit of insomnia, Allison Czarnecki recently decided to tweet out some of the more bizarre names in her son’s middle school yearbook.
I’m too tired to sleep so I’m going to tweet out the dumbest Utah names from my son’s Junior High yearbook. Buckle up.
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 23, 2018
And let me just say, the results definitely make me concerned about where baby names have gone (i.e., downhill).
Madysen. Aeryn. Taiten. Taycie. Gambit. Aroarin. Braxton. Macady. Maycee. Jaxon. Ryker. Jaxon. Jr. Laycee. Taeton.
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 23, 2018
Jaidyn. Tayson. Maddyson. Bayli. Kaydee. Madyson. Madysen. Rylei. Braelyn. Micaylee. Ashlynn. Braxton. Dezalin. Dreyasin. (The last two are twins.)
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 23, 2018
Jaxen. Ryen. Paizley. Garyn. Kasidy. Zoie. Maecy. Addisen. Kambri. Cambrie. Trenton. Bayleigh. Avorie. Sydnee. MacLaine.
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 23, 2018
And my hands down favorite this year . . .
FELECYA
. . . bye
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 23, 2018
And don’t worry — these names are definitely legit.
These are legit 100% real names straight from the yearbook. #utah
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 23, 2018
There was even an encore when Allison attended her son’s high school graduation the next day.
Settle in because I’m headed to high school graduation now and the names are even better.
I know for sure there’s a Parriss walking tonight.
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 23, 2018
These names are … truly baffling.
I forgot one of the best ones! A cowboy named CINCH.
As in, the cinch strap for your horse saddle.
He wears a belt buckle every day.
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 24, 2018
Kennidee. Toj. Kenidee. Adisyn. Jordyn. Zephon. Cassady. Keylee. Laton. Ashlin. Bryler. Larrin. Kacie. Rhiannon. Annalyse. Braydon. Addesyn.
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 24, 2018
STRAN. Dexonna (silent ‘x’). Rayce. Elexys. Celisa. MACGYVER.
Fin.
Thaynkx, #utah!
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 24, 2018
And Allison was NOT HERE for anybody’s criticism, either.
Listen up, all of you threatening to call the police or press charges:
I didn’t name these children. It’s not my fault.
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 24, 2018
Also, every single one of these children is white. 99.9% is them are Mormons. At least one of them is named after a favorite gun. Save your outrage.
— Allison Czarnecki (@petit_elefant) May 24, 2018
Everybody: please calm down with these baby names. Please remember that the rest of us are the ones who have to say them out loud without laughing.