Belt Out
I tried opening a beer bottle with my belt buckle. I was at a restaurant with a group of friends and I was too lazy to take the whole belt off so I just unfastened it. I lowered the beer to my buckle and popped off the cap successfully… triggering this massive beer explosion under the table. No one actually saw me lower the bottle so all they saw was this explosion of foam shooting out from my crotch and all over my torso… also it turned out to be a twist-off.
American Pie, Updated
I tried to make my own fleshlight when I was younger by using Body Wash and a pillow folded up. The Body Wash had tons of those mini hard cleaning beads… never again. Resulted in pain, a messy pillow, and had to shower again in my shame. I also cut a hole in a watermelon to have sex with it. It was cold and unpleasant. Had to throw the whole thing out. My father later asked me what happened to the watermelon, I didn’t respond.
Grease Volcano
Way back when I worked in a snack shack. At close, I had to empty and clean out the deep frier, which was always slow to cool down. Genius that I am, I dumped a whole bucket of ice cubes to speed up the process. The grease started bubbling immediately. Then the deep frier exploded as piping hot grease shot straight up to the ceiling and spilled out all over the shack. The eruption continued for several minutes, eventually coating the entire counter, floor, and almost every other surface. I was lucky to escape with only minor burns to my arms and legs. My supervisor returned to the shack just moments after the explosion began to subside. He asked what happened, and I played dumb. So he shrugged his shoulders and said “Clean it up” as he left for the night. I commenced to squeegee all that grease into buckets and deposit it into the grease dumpster. Took me hours. I reeked liked French fries for about a week afterward. 10/10 would deep geyser again.