Whoever told Mike Huckabee he was a funny guy has some apologizing to do. Not only is he not funny, he’s actually aggressively humorless. All of his jokes make me want to die, it’s remarkable, really.
Former GOP Governor and current GOP talking head Mike Huckabee thinks he’s very funny and loves to share his “best” stuff on Twitter. Unfortunately, he’s really bad at it.
Did Pope Francis really say there is no hell? I doubt that he said that. He visited Congress in 2015. He KNOWS there is a hell because he's been there! #hellisreal
— Gov. Mike Huckabee (@GovMikeHuckabee) March 30, 2018
Yeesh.
Today, Huckabee unleashed another truly terrible joke on Twitter:
Had a colonoscopy today. My doctor was actually Russian. Now THAT is what I call RUSSIAN MEDDLING! They put me to sleep w/ same stuff Michael Jackon used. When I woke up, I MOON-walked right out of the hospital!
— Gov. Mike Huckabee (@GovMikeHuckabee) April 3, 2018
WTF? Mike Huckabee has a colonoscopy and somehow we’re the ones left with massive discomfort.
Needless to say, people were horrified:
dear god https://t.co/yPRjPSOLSB
— Simon Maloy (@SimonMaloy) April 3, 2018
kill me https://t.co/1NgfviwYXo
— Contributing Editor at Vanity Fair (@HashtagGriswold) April 3, 2018
Could it be that Mike Huckabee is getting *worse* at telling jokes? https://t.co/AJJC9aeE6X
— Dennis DiClaudio (@dennisdiclaudio) April 3, 2018
This is the worst Tweet of all time. https://t.co/loiCz2kVf6
— jake merch ??? (@jakefm) April 3, 2018
This is not a political statement. Truly. There is no less-funny man in America. It's as if he dug into Bob Hope's treasure chest, opened up a folder labeled MATERIAL I SHOULD NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER USE. https://t.co/yRd4umUqp7
— Jeff Pearlman (@jeffpearlman) April 3, 2018
/Jaw unhinges completely and the word "folks" issues at ear-splitting volume, rattling the windows of nearby buildings and setting off car alarms. https://t.co/7jH6GLrqCw
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) April 3, 2018
The Russians have invaded Mike Huckabee. https://t.co/rDLhNaOe9T
— Hunter Walker (@hunterw) April 3, 2018
This joke was more tortured than your son's dog. https://t.co/tYAJasIkR5
— Jake Maccoby (@jdmaccoby) April 3, 2018
Plenty of people had questions:
Did they find your head? https://t.co/QINAhuVP0R
— Joe In Memphis ? (@MEMLiberal) April 3, 2018
Did he throw in the lobotomy for free then? https://t.co/1rqGffLfCB
— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) April 3, 2018
is that where they found this joke? https://t.co/S6rj4uvqIX
— Jake Currie (@jakecurrie) April 3, 2018
How come Russians can learn to imitate Americans on Twitter and Mike Huckabee can't? https://t.co/S5Hr4xkxqj
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 3, 2018
Because Twitter isn’t all about tearing people down, some kind souls were nice enough to offer Huckabee some free advice on how to structure jokes:
There is a lot to unpack here, but after reading this a dozen times i think my favorite part is that his Dr is "actually" Russian. Why "actually"? Completely unnecessary to the joke and extraneous. It's confusing. Good lord he's simple. https://t.co/GkmSMD38Om
— )))David Cross((( (@davidcrosss) April 3, 2018
Few notes:
1. You're trying to play too many games here. Stick to either Russia OR Michael Jackson.
2. Your set up doesn't need to be two sentences and don't scoop the Russia thing. Try "Got a colonoscopy from Dr. [Russian Last Name].
3. You represent the worst of America. https://t.co/5vuHQQyHaW
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) April 3, 2018
Russia joke: C+. One of your better efforts tbh.
Michael Jackson joke: G-minus. Can't give it an F. Too stale, too non-sensical, capitalizing MOON like we don't get the joke. Below an F. G-minus. https://t.co/KM6DAOCyy2
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) April 3, 2018
Showing a lot of improvement. Consider editing the first mention of Russia to something like “Doctor is from Moscow” to avoid the word echo. https://t.co/33Zk6DziJJ
— Luke O'Neil (@lukeoneil47) April 3, 2018
But some people noticed he’s a little TOO into butt stuff:
i believe this illustrates the dramatic principle known as "Chekhov's colonoscopy" pic.twitter.com/2l79sO3YDM
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) April 3, 2018
In Huckabee's 'God, Guns, Grits, And Gravy' he has a chapter titled "Bend Over and Take It Like A Prisoner." Not saying he has a preoccupation with the concept or anything but he seems to have a preoccupation with the concept. https://t.co/AYjLdJCbkt
— Olivia Nuzzi (@Olivianuzzi) April 3, 2018
It’s 2018 Gov. Huckabee! Time to cast off those kink-shame shackles and let your freak flag fly! (Just pretend it’s a Confederate flag!)