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Women Are Putting Wasp Nests In Their Vaginas And I Kind Of Don’t Even Want To Tell You Why

I don’t want to tell you why but I’m going to because it is 2018 and women are still out here willingly sacrificing their health for the sexual pleasure of men. So here it is: Certain purveyors of goods —  sellers on Etsy and Ebay, for instance — are selling ground up wasp nests that are meant to be stuck up the vagina because they are “believed to remove unpleasant odor and itching.”

“Believed to,” probably because the wasp nests — which are actually something called “oak galls” (according to gynecologist/Vagina Guardian Dr. Jen Gunter, oak galls are “balls of bark and wasp excreta that once nurtured a wasp larva”) — do nothing of the sort. As a matter of fact, sticking anything up your vagina that is not meant to be stuck up the vagina is REALLY REALLY BAD FOR YOU!

As a bonus, the aforementioned Etsy seller also states that these balls of wasp nests and bark have “been used as dental powder and as a treatment for toothache and gingivitis,” and praised their “powerful astringent” properties. The seller concludes their description with an enormous disclaimer typed out in all caps, in case you try to sue them after your vagina turns into an arid crypt and all your teeth fall out.

Dr. Gunter proceeds to explain that attempting to dry out or tighten the vagina — especially through homeopathic methods — is a really bad move. Drying out natural secretions makes the vagina more susceptible to damage during sex and kills the protective mucous layer, causing painful infections. Furthermore, scientific studies show that a dry, mucous-free vagina is at a higher risk of HIV transmission.

Ladies, here’s the thing: There is nothing wrong with a wet vagina. According to EverydayHealth, “A healthy vagina will also secrete small amounts of discharge to keep itself clean, much as saliva is produced to help cleanse your mouth.” And as the wise Gucci Mane once said, “I said how wet do yo p*ssy get?/ B*tch yo p*ssy solid gold, it’s solid gold.”

There you have it. A wet vagina = solid gold, solid gold. IT’S MATH, PEOPLE.

h/t Dr Jen Gunter